someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
