You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
apparently the secret to your success is patron
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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