so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
