spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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