Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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