Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
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