Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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