mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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