Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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