just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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