yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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