I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
