you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
should my penis look like a turkey
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
