hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
