last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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