Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
