Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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