it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
