Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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