i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My bed smells like the plague
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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