I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
