I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
