Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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