Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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