Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
false alarm, still single
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize