I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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