Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize