If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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