is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
