my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
