He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
