there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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