I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
