i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
