i think i scared a bird with my dick
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
