I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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