i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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