At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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