Can i not drive my cunt home
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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