i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
