we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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