Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
