i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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