somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
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