i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
