No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
