the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
