I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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