dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
