she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
