I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
