I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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