Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Randomize
