I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
