Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
