This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Damn victory sex feels great
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
