when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize