We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
