I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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