the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
