I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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