yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
