You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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