Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
