dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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