can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
