Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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