We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
