Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
