Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
