I just saw a hot homeless man
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
