:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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