What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
