Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
