I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
