You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dick very happy bro
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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