with your own penis?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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