you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
