she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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