there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
