im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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