you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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