Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
