can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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